Posted in Random Utterings

Why do birds suddenly appear, every time you are near? Because you smell like birdseed

I have lots of exciting tales to post about my trip to the River Kwai yesterday, but I am dying off with a hideous cold so am too sneezy to write at length now.  Instead I will tell you that I have spent all day indoors watching The Sopranos and wiping my runny nose and taking Tylenol every 4 hours to be fit for mar-c arriving on Tuesday – the excitement!

I often leave the subtitles on the DVDs that I am watching, partly for amusement value and partly because I can’t work out how to switch them off.  The translations are often a bit sketchy, but today’s was the funniest yet.  Here are a few lines from just one scene:

Real Dialogue: They want to wean me off (the morphine)

Translated To: Want let me breast milk


RD: What are you fellas doing here?

TT: The pulls a promise modern


RD: Heal him with your cleansing love

TT: Use the clean glove


RD: Viagra will never be an issue

TT: Be like the space of pull so the matter is a problem never


RD: At one time they were going after booze

TT: Sometimes they the confusion make after drinking wildly


RD: Bye guys, praise God

TT: I am really grateful to see again, praise be the absolute being


I’m off to sniffle my way thru another episode for laughs.




I’m Claire and I live near Glasgow, in Scotland. I have strong family ties to Cincinnati, too and regard it as my second home. If I had to describe myself in five words, it would be thus: Does. Not. Suffer. Fools. Gladly. I’ve been cross stitching pretty much all my life, but professionally since 2005, first as Miso Funky, then as The Bellwether and now under my own name. I'm known for my witty, sarcastic and occasionally profane typographic designs. My work has been featured in The Sunday Times, The Guardian, Channel 4 and on BBC television as well as numerous media outlets across the globe. At one point, I was kind of a big deal but I mostly just dabble in it these days when I have time. My website is a repositry of cross stitch charts, travel and food blogging and you'll find it at I also love to travel and eat, ideally travelling somewhere great to eat something brilliant. I'm fascinated by social history, particularly the Victorians and will absolutely beat you hands down in a quiz about the Tudors. Dogs are LIFE. I like being in water and have lots of ideas that will never see the light of day but would definitely be a winner on Dragon’s Den/Shark Tank. I love to give people gifts. I! also! overuse! exclamation! marks! sorry!

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